best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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