In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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