I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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