We won't sleep together?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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