Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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