then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize