He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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