You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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