I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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