just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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