I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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