is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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