I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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