i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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