Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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