ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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