you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize