I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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