I wish I could teleport
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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