My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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