Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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