Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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