he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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