I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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