I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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