...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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