I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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