Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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