I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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