He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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