That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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