I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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