I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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