Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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