please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize