I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize