FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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