I murdered the dance floor call the cops
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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