hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize