Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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