P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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