i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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