How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize