i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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