Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize