hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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