You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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