her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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