I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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