He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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