I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize