the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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